Tiny Triumphs

When it comes to "self promotion" - especially when it's needed to get a job,  raise, or even a date - it seems that most everyone wants to highlight and/or talk about their super big achievements.  While that's all fine and good, the number of those super big achievements pales in comparison to the number of "tiny triumphs" that are a major basis for who we are, where we are, how we got here, and what makes us tick.      

The problem though, is how/when/where/why to communicate those important yet under appreciated tiny triumphs, in the impressionable, get-to-know process? After all, it's hard to put those tiny triumphs into a basic resume, interview, or date conversations - let alone do it in a way that isn't boring, and without purpose (we've all met those people, right!?).        

The answer: plan ahead; figure it out; find a way; fit it in; get it done - especially the most impactful, best-of-the-best tiny triumphs.  Even better, call it out by name.  In other words - let the other person know, at the right time and place, how you feel tiny triumphs are the building blocks that help make us who we are.  Then, give an example - but only the one really big tiny triumph that will be most relevant to that person, or situation.  And watch 'em light up, when you take a tiny triumph and turn it into a fun, captivating, worthwhile story.  Give it a go!   
   

Tiny Triumphs Are Good.          

Judging Vs. Judgmental (With Props to Ben)

When judging, it's important to not be judgmental.  In other words, when making an important decision that requires true objectivity - be that at work, or life - we have to ensure that our ultimate decision is not based on ours, or others, "pre-filtered" individual opinions.  That's being (problematically) judgmental.   

Think about it: how can we truly expect to get the best-of-the-best decision, if/when our individual biases (especially the superficial ones) get in the way. We can't.  Now, try as we might to not be judgmental - and moreover, judge with objectivity - that's easier said than done. That's why, when it comes to quality decision making, it's absolutely imperative that we screen our assumptions/presumptions/conclusions  through the right system - like the Ben Franklin system, for instance.  That one always works: it's easy, quick and effective. 

What's that!?  Never heard of the Ben Franklin "scales of justice" system?  Well then, let's give it a go.  Simply draw a horizontal line down the middle of a piece of paper, and another vertical towards the top of the page (so that it looks like a scale).  On the top of the left side write "Pros," and on the top right side write "Cons."  Then when ready, jot down your lists.  When done, go with which side has the most, just like an objective scale would do (assuming you didn't cheat; Ben don't like cheaters).    

By leveraging Ben Franklin's simple system to help us objectively judge our big decisions ... and using the best and most accurate information available ... it stands to reason that this little extra step will help us overcome those obscured judge-mentalists tendencies.  And maybe, avoid some big issues down the road. 

At least we hope, right.

Objective Judging is Good.

Tempered Uniqueness

Been thinking about uniqueness: the good and the bad, and the yin and the yang of it. And, after much thought and deliberation (I know, get a life Scott, right!?), I'm figuring that while it's nice to be unique, its more important that our uniqueness doesn't get in the way of our true potential.  Nope, not worth it in the long haul. 

Check it out: while self-expression and individuality are welcome and wanted, we have to be careful that we don't go overboard, and alienate ourselves in the process.  Because uniqueness - at the sacrifice of opportunity - is a hard pill to swallow, let alone digest.    

For many people, especially young adults just entering the workforce - that "tempered uniqueness" is easier said then done, especially as the boundaries between what's acceptable or not, are open to interpretations and influence.  That's why the best rule-of-thumb, especially at work, is to keep the uniqueness in check with your  employer's/customer's/market's expectations of what is acceptable. When in doubt as to what's right or wrong or suspect - look around, take note and go with what's safe.  That applies to everything: how we dress, talk, walk, write and express ourselves. 

As they say: perception is reality.    

Here's another reality: we typically don't get fired for "looking the part," especially if we perform the part. So, if our uniqueness impacts our hiring, promoting or (gulp) firing - then keep it out of the workplace.  Period. 

Tempered Uniqueness is Good.

The Remedy to Smiling Deniers (Hint: Adapt)

We've all met a smiling denier, right? You know, someone that says "nope," nuh-uh" and "sorry charlie" - but with an actual smile on their face.  Like that makes the "ain't gonna happen," "no-way Jose" taste any better!?  (Not.)   

Oh, the tyranny of it all; mixing a smiling face - or at least the attempt at one - with a no. That's not even bitter/sweet: its just annoying. And more often than not, that smile is a clear signal that the no is a big-time NO. In other words, it seems that those that smile when saying no - are typically more adamant about sticking to their no.  Go figure. 

So what to do about/with this positive naysayer? Well, 1) smile back, 2) say thanks and 3) ask in a respectful matter-of-factness: "Is there room for discussion?" If the answer is an unquestionable no, then the answer is no.

Move on. Save face.  That's that.  Adapt.  

If the answer is somewhere between okay/maybe/I don't know/we'll see, then tread lightly with a simple. "Great, what do we need to clarify?" Then let them lead the way, respond accordingly and if possible, find a healthy compromise, while keeping in mind that sometimes it's best to let them win in the end, so that you can fight the good fight - and maybe a better fight - another day. 

Win some; lose some, right.

But win or lose - we need to adapt, either way.  Because in business, as in life - it's about evolution, not revolution.  As Darwin discovered (and more often than not, people get wrong): survival isn't about being the strongest, it's being the most adaptable.  

Adaptable Is Good.

Turning Fathers to Dads

The Indianapolis Star reports that 4 out of 5 Indianapolis Public School students don't live with their fathers.

How. Very. Sad. Indeed.

Sure, some of those fathers might not live with their kids because of divorce; but they're probably good dads, and they do what they can given the housing arrangements. On the other hand, a bigger percentage of those fathers are literally non-existent (and intentionally so) in their kid's lives.  Which makes them just fathers, not dads.  And that's a gargantuan problem, with alarming consequences.

While the downsides of this heartbreaking reality are too voluminous to count - especially as it impacts the kids - one has to ask what type of jobs, let alone careers, do the fathers have who choose to be absentee dads? And does their work impact their lives in such a way that if they had the right job (let alone career) - they'd be better dads? The answer, of course, is yes. And therein lies both the problem, and part of the solution.  In other words, if the guys who father children were given proper training - let alone education - as it pertains to both their job/career AND daddying - then chances are, they will do better at both.

Now, as easy as that is to comprehend and moreover appreciate - it apparently is not that easy to get done, hence the abysmal stats. That's why our schools and universities and the parents who run both - need to do a better job of ensuring that young men get both work, and life related education.  Simultaneously.  At the same time, young men themselves need to step it up, and take greater accountability, as well. 

No doubt, that's easier said than done.  After all, the list of issues, let alone potential remedies, is long and full of debate.  That said, one fundamental and undebatable truth is this: it's critically important to interweave job/career skills training and education, with life/parenting skills training and education.  In fact, let's make that work/life "learning duality" a mandate.  A must.  A matter-of-fact expectation.  No "ifs" "ors" or "buts" about it.  If we can ensure that our young men can be good dads (let alone good parents) - then it stands to reason that those same young men will do better at work, and enjoy better careers.  Taken together, these young men will then live better lives, which will better their families, communities and society at large. 

Turning Fathers to Dads is Good.

Comsi Comsa or Asi Asi (Shame on Both)

Doh is me.  You'd figure that after living in both France and Spain over 4 years - and moreover, having taken about 8 years of French and Spanish classes - that I'd be way smarter when it comes to speaking those languages: Not! Quite the contrary, and quite the pathetic shame.  A shame so shameful, that I should wear the cone of shame.  Just call me Doug, minus the cuteness and propensity for squirrels.

So you don't remember those foreign languages, you say. Big deal, right?  It happens.  And hey, we speak American anyhow, si?  Nothing to be shameful 'bout!?  Well, to a degree, that's true.  The problem however, is that while I pretty much remember nada (aha!), I do remember - more so, still use to this day - two Euro-centric expressions that I don't really like, or want to use.  But shamefully, use I do. 

Now, I know you're jonesin' to know: just what exactly are those expressions, that hound me so?

Well, the first is "Comsi Comsa" (which is French, for those keeping score at home). The second is "Asi Asi" (which, you got it, is Espanol).  And guess what?  They both mean the same thing, which roughly translated to English (aka American), means  "So So". 

That's right sports fans - they are a fancy, foreign way to shrug and say "so so".  And that's why I use them, I guess - because I hate the English version.  Seriously, what's up with "so so"?  How can anyone be "so so"?  Pick a lane, darn it.  And pick the right one, at that.  In other words - even if we feel so, "so so" - tell your face you don't.   Then tell the face that asks "how you doing?" something better than so so.  Because frankly, so so isn't even so so.  It's just lamo.  And nobody likes a downer.     

So here's my plan, thanks to this public admition of linguistic shame:  no more Comsi Comsa, or Asi Asi.  No more hiding my own disdain (and use) of the lamo "so so" expression.   I'm done being hypocritical, and living the lie.  Shame no more.  From now on, it's all good; even when it's not (get my drift?) 

Who's with me? 

So So Is Bad (In Any Language).
  

Turn Trustworthy To Trust, We Must

Don't know why, but I'm having a big-time Yoda moment. Maybe it has something to do with the title and content of today's blog (but be certain, I know not).  Anywho, it turns out that researchers have established that trust is critical to organizational effectiveness. No mind meld there, hun. 

Being trustworthy yourself, however, does not guarantee that you are capable of building trust. That takes actual, real-world, proof-positive, trust-centric results (or being a really old, wrinkly little green fella, with gargantuan ears, who talks funny; kid I not).

In other words, just because you think you're Hans Solo when it comes to your own integrity - if others don't think that, well then, that's their reality, right?  Which can make it that much more frustrating when the real you, doesn't align with the you they see. While you want, and maybe even deserve their trust - they just don't give it.  Yea, that'd make even Obe One lose his cool.

So what to do, if that's the case? Well, to level set - there's no quick pill, sauce or anecdote for this one. Nope. On the contrary, it takes time. Sometimes, lots of time. Because the underlying formula for earning trust boils down to this simple, yet powerful, mantra: walk the walk. No - it's not talk the walk, or even walk the talk. It's walk the walk.  Which means we can't market, hype, hurry or sell our way to trust; no phone ins here.  Net/net: It takes the actual, proof-positive fulfilment of trust-earning deeds: which takes time. 

So be patient young Skywalker, if this is your situation. Building trust is journey, not event. Evolution, not revolution.  Be, you must.  Do, you must.  Earn, you must.  (So says Yoda.)

May the force be with you.

Trusted Is Good.