The (More) Golden Rule

I just finished gulping down the Steve Jobs bio by Walter Isaacson.  Incredibly extraordinary - both the book (props to Isaacson) and the life/man of Jobs. 

Seriously, I feel like I just got off a roller coaster ride: head's spinning; knees weak; tummy churning.  Where's the Pepto!? 

It's no exaggeration: I've got a boatload of mixed emotions about Jobs; running the spectrum of awe, anger, pride, sadness, disappointment, appreciation and frustration - to coin, but a few. 

In the end - in ode to Job's own decree that simplicity is the purest form of sophistication - all I can say is: wow (followed by a long steady stream of silence, if you know what I mean).     

But after the silence fads, in the aftermath - now all I can say is: why?

Why Steve, Why!? 

(We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an important announcement: In the spirit of Isaascon writing a long and exhaustive book, I'll probably end up writing my longest, most exhaustive blog ever.  I've got a lot I want to say now and frankly, this is better/cheaper/faster than scream therapy.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.)

Why Steve ... with all or your brilliance, smarts, passion, drive, money, power, prestige and singularly unique God-given gifts ... did you have to be such a contradictory jerk.  Why?  Especially for a man who worked so hard to be "enlightened" and mindful of the "humanitarian way."   

Admittedly, I got a real pet peeve with contradictory jerks.  They give me a rash.  Big time.  A) I don't like people who blatantly and knowingly say one thing then blatantly and knowingly do another, and B) I hate jerks.  Especially gifted contradictory jerks, who should know/can/do better.     

The "distortion reality" (which Jobs epitomized) that contradictory jerks live in - reminds me of why I think the proverbial Golden Rule is flawed (sorry Father Kevin; we can talk about this at confession later). To be clear though - the original biblical intention is great (does that help my case Father K?) - it's the technical phraseology that's problematic.   

You know the Golden Rule, right: "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Here's the problem though: If something matters to you - but not to somebody else - it certainly matters, right? Intuitively then, if it matters to somebody else - but not to you - it still matters though, because it matters to that person.  You dig!?

So, if that's the real reality (not a distorted one) then it's not, “treat people the way you want to be treated.” After all, “you” could be a real jerk, and think it’s okay to treat and be treated, like a jerk.  What the Golden Rule actually should say is, “Treat people the way they want to be treated.” And it’s not just a difference in wordsmithing.  Nope.   

There’s a fundamental differentiation in the philosophy between the two interpretations. Simply stated, one’s self-oriented and one’s others-oriented.  That's why I'm lobbying to call the second, updated version, the More Golden Rule.  (And no, not looking to take any credit or get a patent; it's open source, free for all.) 

Yeah, I get that living up to the More Golden Rule is especially tough when we work in the all-too-often combative, fast-paced, short-fused, just-get-the-job-done, polarizing corporate world - where trust can be hard, support convenient, and styles gruff and unfriendly. That said, and for all the wrong reasons, there’s sometimes a misguided attitude in some businesses that nice folks finish last. Wrong. Nice businesspeople and nice companies - can and must, succeed.

The good news is that most companies want both nice and productive employees. They really do. But here’s the deal: Because we’re nice and gravitate toward having likable, people-friendly, team-oriented, and collaborative environments - that just means that we have to consistently work hard, perform and execute. Moreover, we can’t act like fools, tolerate fools, or accept a fool’s errand. Don’t be a pushover, and you won’t get pushed over. Our niceness can’t be taken advantage of. We do what we say, and we say what we’ll do. Most of all, we meet or exceed expectations.  And consistently deliver tangible, proof-positive results - with quality and good cheer.

On a corollary note, let's all keep in mind that we should be nice people.  And nice people prefer to work, befriend, defend, and hang out with other nice people.  Moreover, nice people don’t emulate jerks. Even if they’re powerful jerks. They’re still jerks who’ll often say that nice people don’t have what it takes, the “killer instinct,” to get the job done. In reality, they don’t have what it takes, because they’re typically one-dimensional and afraid and live in their "distorted reality."  More often than not, they’re intimidated by nice people who get things done, the nice way.  It's true. 

Jerks, and their fraternal order of brethren and cronies, including: bullies, snobs, sycophants, schmucks, tyrants, tormentors, malcontents and all other jerk-centric scallywags, just plain stink. Sure, they can do their job, and more often than not, get results. But at what cost? Would you choose to work for them if given a choice? I wonder if they would work for themselves. I also wonder if they even like themselves.  I think not.

With regard to rationalized bad behavior, I guess it’s true what Upton Sinclair wrote: It is difficult to get someone to understand something, when their job depends on not understanding it.

That happens way too often.

No doubt, when you work in a company that treats you bad, it’s a bummer and a problem. And when there are no guards to watch over the guards, or worse yet - when the warden is the chief villain - you have to grin and bear it; serve your time; hang in there; do your job and do it well.  Because you need the work, and it pays the bills that need paying. Just remember that jerks and all of their rotten posse can occasionally disarm you with insincere friendship and artificial support.  So don’t get duped by a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

When I think about that oldie but goodie cliche, I’m reminded about the story of the scorpion and the bullfrog. It goes like this:

There’s this nice bullfrog, working diligently on the shore. Along comes a scorpion and asks the fine frog if he could give him a ride across the pond to the other side. The frog, being no dummy, said, “But you are a scorpion. If I get too close to you, let alone give you a ride, you will surely sting me, and I will be dead.” The scorpion smiled and pretentiously responded, “Indeed, my good fellow — that may be what some other scorpions would do, but not me. In fact, I’ll be your buddy and your ally. Just think how great it would be to have a scorpion to protect you and keep you safe. You can trust me. I’ll do you no harm.” Interesting, thought the bullfrog. That was a pretty compelling proposition to have a scorpion in his little corner of the pond. So after a few minutes of deliberation, the frog agreed and told the scorpion to jump on his back and they went swimming across the pond. After getting them both safely to shore, the scorpion jumped off and immediately stung the frog. As the incredulous and gullible frog lay dying, he asked softly, “Why?” The scorpion replied without hesitation, “Because I’m a scorpion. It’s my nature.”

Once a scorpion ...

Ahh - feels good to get that off my chest.  Thanks for allowing me. 

The More Golden Rule is Good.

(PS:  All things being what they are, I do have a heartfelt wish for the man who inspired this riff.  While it is often over said when it comes to those who have passed away, I think the Rest In Peace sentiment is absolutely a fit for Steve Jobs.  So rest in peace Steve.  Rest in peace.) 

Keeping It Real In 2012

At this time of year, (way too) many of us contemplate, sign-up for and commit to various New Years resolutions.

It's our thing.  

That said, and in recognition of the yinyangslippityslopshishboombang nature of 2011, it's easy to see why we want to focus on positive resolutions. 

(As if anyone would sign up for negative ones, right?)

But before we go setting overachieving, unbelievably optimistic resolutions using words like extraordinary, phenomenal and other uber-super-duper adjectives - let's keep the expectations real, manageable and most of all - achievable.  

(Can I get an AMEN!?) 

That said, a word that that fits nicely given past issues, present dynamics and future uncertainties - is the word, drum roll please:

Good. 

(Yes, good.)

Good works.  It's believable. Realistic. Achievable.   

So here's to keeping it real, and keeping ...

Good Health
Good Habits
Good Friends
Good Business
Good Careers
Good Faith
Good Love
Good Living
Good Family
(Insert your own here)

Good is Great.

Happy New Year!

Humble Confidence

There's a terrific sentiment that I've been using for years, and years and years (you get the picture; it's been a really long time).  Frankly, like most of my sentiments, I can't claim it's my own invention.  After all, most of my stuff is admittedly refurbished (I've been recycling way before green became so fashionable). 

Now, this sentiment, while somewhat kinda sorta not entirely mine per se - has always been admired by those who haven't heard it before.  In fact, often times they literally exclaim how much they like it, and plan to use it themselves.  To which I wish them well; enjoy it in good health, and pass it on along the way.  Bonne chance, mon frere! (Five years of french, and that's all I got.)   

Alright already, I know what you're thinking:  Abbott, enough with the rambling preamble, get on with it man, and tell us what the oh-so-awesome/can't live with out it/life won't ever be complete until I know what the sentiment is so that we can get it and maybe use it ourselves!  Fine.  Ready?  Set?  Comfortable?  Need anything?  How 'bout those Colts - ugh!  Okay.  Here goes.

Humble Confidence.

Moreover, the importance of humble confidence. 

Let's break it down; the yin and the yang:

On the one hand, confidence without humility is dangerous, right.  That's when you tend to get rude, reckless, arrogant behavior - you know, a bunch of flashy selfish pizazz that more often than not, causes trouble for those who flaunt it, and those who have to deal with it (let alone benefit from their so-called "mad skills"). 

On the other hand, pure humility can also be worrisome, as most jobs require us to elevate higher - especially when we need to instill confidence that we can get the job done (think pilot, doctor, athlete, business leader, student, welder, politician, architect - heck, think anybody).  While we appreciate humility - if taken too far (i.e. being overly timid/intimidated) and just left to its own, we don't know if we trust that the job will get done.       

Finally, by fusing humility with confidence - we set the tone that we're stable and mature enough to know that we can always improve, and mindful and excited enough in our ability to do so.  

And that, my friend, is why humble and confidence go together so well, kinda like milk and cookies (mmmmm, milk and cookies).   Moreover - they must go together.  Always and forever.  One without the other is troublesome.  The same can be said when left apart.   Net/net - we need simultaneous confidence and humility; knowing that it comes down to the proper balance, timing, situation and alignment, between the two. 

And that I say, with humble confidence.    

Humble Confidence Is Good.          

Ain't Cool To Be No Jive Turkey

At this time of year, I love to (over) use one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies, Trading Places.  If you've seen the movie, you gotta know the line I'm talking about (though there's plenty of great quotes to choose from, am I right!?) 

Okay - times up:  It's the one when Eddie Murphy's in jail, talking a bunch of loud mouthed smack, and the big dude comes up and says, "It ain't cool to be no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving."  (Hey, I put the link there for a reason, so go ahead and give it a watch: it's great fun, and I'll still be here when you get back.)

With your laughing smile squarely in place, I'm sure you can see why I dig that line, on a couple of levels.  For one, I say it to my kids now about a dozen times a day (yeah, I've got lots of growing up to do.)  But other than using it to frustrate my brew and confirm their belief that dad isn't as hip as he thinks he is (heeeey), I also use it in business to classify a certain type of bad behavior. 

Yes, guilty as charged: I'm not above name calling - though to my defense, I think that anyone I've ever called a jive turkey, has probably been called way worse, by way more people.   

No. Doubt. About. It.     

So what makes for a "jive turkey" you ask?  As opposed to your run of the mill moron, jerk, doofus or scallywag?  Well, JTs have 3 main characteristics, and those are:

1) Big talker, small doer.  Sure, you know the type: they gobble gobble gobble, but when it comes to getting things done, they don't/won't/can't.  Which is why they also tend to delegate, though still take credit when credit is do; or pass blame, when blame is do.  Go figure.   

2) Smart, but arrogant.  These fowl birds have an out of whack ego to IQ ratio (and guess which one is out of proportion to the other).  For the record - arrogance by definition is when someone makes other people feel inferior and/or belittled.  Put another way, if your mouth makes others feel intentionally bad - not cool.

3) Nice, but jealous.  This one's kinda like too much nutmeg in the eggnog.  It looks all nice and tasty, but it's not.  More so, these ones can really hurt, as you think they are on your side, then the next thing you know, they're not.  No one likes a back stabber; heck, even back stabbers don't like back stabbers.  Nope. 

No doubt, there's a gravy boat of other not so flattering attributes that make for a jive turkey.  But you get the picture.  Moreover, I hope you never have to deal with - let alone work with - a jive turkey.  If you do, well, remember the line and say it right to their face:  "IT AIN'T COOL TO BE NO JIVE TURKEY!"  And if that jive turkey has you worried that its best to keep it to yourself (getting fired or having your face punched in, kinda sucks) - then anonymously send that video from Trading Places, along with a little note letting them know its from a secret non-admirer.    

Jive Turkeys Are Bad.

(But real turkey's are good and tasty.  So have a safe, happy, family-filled Thanksgiving.)      

Good is Great

For those that know, one of my favorite words is good. 

Indeed, I embrace it.  Use it.  Promote it.    

But guess what: every now and then I get the, oh, how should I put it, "provocative flak" for my extensive use/promotion of the word good - especially when it comes to performance.  For sure, I do use good a lot (and inversely, when needed, the word bad) when talking about performance.  It's kinda my thing.  And everybody should have their own "thing," right?      

Now, the flakers issue, for the most part - stems from their perspective that when discussing performance, I should use/promote more dynamic words like great, extraordinary, fantastic, brilliant, incredible, awesome.  In other words, from their viewpoint, good isn't good enough.  As they say, opinions are like belly buttons: everyone has 'em.  And that's a good thing (see, did it again). 

That said, my opinion - lets even call it a platform - is pretty simple: while there may be lots of more exciting adjectives that have more snap, crackle and pop ... good is still good, and bad is still bad.  Word. 

When it comes to performance, consistent good trumps the occasional supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (c'mon, ya gotta watch the video ;).  The fact is, good is very attainable - 24/365.  On the other hand, those other sexier adjectives are often a struggle for most, even some of the time - let alone 24/365.  In other words, its better to keep it real, and set expectations that are realistic and realistically achievable. 

You follow? 

Don't get me wrong: love those bigger words, as well.  I do.  And if you are ready and able to go for them - then go for it.  But first things first.  If we can't get good in steady supply, it's gonna be a stretch to achieve something bigger.  As that crazy cat Nietzsche said, "Those who would learn to fly one day must first stand and walk and run and climb and dance: one cannot fly into flying."  True that. 

Heck, just look around.  It's pretty apparent that consistently good performance is in short supply. It’s a big problem for business, family and life.  As such, it’s impacting our society, economy, and the world in general.  So instead of struggling to attain difficult to achieve words - I have confidence that for the most part, and for the most of us - we can get to good.  Consistently.

Good is Great ;) . 

Be Like Mike's

For months, I've been wanting to write some big-time props about a chain of car washes called Mike's.  At the same time, been needing to vent some much needed frustration about bad retail behavior.  Now's the time. 

So why the kudos for Mike's? 

Well, for a host of reasons, including the fact that you're greeted and dismissed by cute stuffies (as my daughter calls them) like Elmo, Cookie Monster and Big Bear, and that they offer free paper towels and free handy little trash bags.  (Though for the suggestion box, thinking free donuts and coffee for us early morning frequent washers would be nice; just saying.) 

Most of all, Mike's rocks because their front-line customer facing people - aka hourly worker bees - are some of the nicest, most professional, respectful workforce that I've ever experienced in the retail, hourly worker bee sector, coast-to-coast.  True that. 

Literally, from head to toe, they have their act together. 

Here's my question: why can Mike's employ great hourly talent, with such incredible consistency from store to store, when so many others can't?  Let's be real, the list is long of retail stores who's hourly workers just plain suck.  While it pains me to be so frank (not really), the fact is we put up with so much bad service, it's both sad and pathetic. 

Seriously, shame on the companies and their management that hires and tolerates rude employees to represent and be on the frontline of their product.  Come to think of it, shame on us who put up with it and pay for it, in more ways than one. 

Talk to the hand, you employers and condoners of bad talent.

So, does the ability/capability for Mike's to do it right ... versus those loser retail stores who miss the mark, let alone the point ... come down to pay?  Benefits?  Management?  Recruiting?  Free sodas and brownies in the break room? 

No doubt, I'm sure it's a combination of things.  Be that as it may - the difference between what Mike's can do/afford - and what others can do/afford, can't be that big of a gap. 

It.  Just.  Can't.  Be.  The math doesn't work.  Nope.

The simple fact is this: if Mike's can do it, so can everyone else in the retail sector.  Sure, budgets and margin %s might be impacted due to higher "costs of goods" (yes, it can cost more to do better) - but that can be made up for through (more) happier customers and (more) increased sales, which generates more margin dollars (remember all you corporate giants of bad retailers: you can't eat percents, only cash).  And yes, your products and/or services might need to be refined; cultures might need to be reset, and a bunch of so-called leadership people might need to be let go. 

Even good change, can be painful. 

But if that's what it takes, that's what it takes. 

If you're one of those retail stores that forces your customers to suffer your "hourly people problems" (yes, I've heard the line, way too many times) - get your act together, and get it fixed.  ASAP. 

And if you're one of those consumers that puts up with "hourly people problems," please don't.  Take your business else where.  On behalf of yourself, us and the retailer who forced you to. 

Good Service Is Good.          

It Matters

Like most of us today, on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 - I'm filled with a boatload of emotions; a funky mix of reflection, anger, grief, anxiousness, hope and appreciation (to name a few). 

While part of me wants desperately to write about the whys and wherefores of these feelings - and pen something poignant and impactful - it's just not in the cards.  Nope.  Not now.  Not today. 

So if it's okay with you, in lieu of coming up with new words and spending energy I don't have (and would rather devote today to family and friends) - I'm going to post some excerpts from the last chapter of Pocket PorchLights.  After all, I have always looked at this chapter as a big group hug; an all encompassing hand-holding tribute to what it takes to thrive at business, work and life. 

Moreover, since this chapter, like the rest of the book - was heavily inspired by tons of wonderful people, both directly and indirectly - it seems to fit today's "let's come together and count our blessings" vibe.  Hopefully, you'll feel the same. 

On that note, I wish you and yours peace, love and togetherness. 

It Matters ... 

I keep two Father’s Day cards at my desk: one from my parents, and one from my wife. On the cover of the card from my parents is a picture of a young boy dressed in goggles, wearing one of those old-fashioned pilot’s caps with the flaps that hang down over the ears.

He’s standing on a box, with a towel wrapped around him like a cape. His arms are stretched out wide as if he is flying. He has a big smile and a marvelous look of pure enjoyment. The writing with the picture says, “Son, from playing the hero…” Then when you open the card, there’s another picture of a grown man, walking on the beach with his child sitting on his shoulders, holding onto Dad’s hands. They’re playing happily in the waves. The caption underneath this picture, and in an obvious continuation of the sentiment from the cover reads, “…To being the Hero.” Then on the other side of the card is written: “How wonderful it has been to watch you grow into the amazing man you are. Happy Father’s Day.” Then it’s signed simply, “Love You, Mom and Dad.”

Now inside the card from my wife is a picture of our two children, happy as all get-out. Opposite of the picture are the following words: “‘Walk a little slower, Daddy,’ said a child so small. ‘I’m following in your footsteps and I don’t want to fall. Sometimes your steps are very fast. Sometimes they’re hard to see; so walk a little slower, Daddy, for you are leading me. Someday when I’m all grown up, you’re what I want to be. Then I will have a little child who’ll want to follow me. And I would want to lead just right, and know that I was true. So walk a little slower, Daddy, for I must follow you.’”

I have to tell you, about a week or so after getting those cards, I brought them into my office and read them again, maybe ten times or more. They made me cry — and I’m not just talking about getting watery eyed. That happens even when I watch sappy TV. I’m talking about a caught-off-guard, grimacing, tears-rolling-down-my-face-crying-like-a-little-kid-kind-of-cry. Talk about a Hallmark moment.

In hindsight, I don’t really know why the cards affected me like they did. Maybe I was having a bad day at the office, or had been short-tempered with my kids or my wife earlier that morning, and it made me remorseful. Or maybe it was because I really didn’t think that I was worth such neat cards. Regardless, they did something besides generate tears. They still do.

The cards make me stop and reflect. They motivate me and make me appreciative of all that life has to offer, as well as the responsibilities and obligations that we have in life. The cards also impress upon me the fact that we have to be mindful of everything; that everything matters, and even what doesn’t matter — matters.

You see, if it matters to you, but not to somebody else, it certainly matters, right? Intuitively then, if it matters to somebody else, but not to you, it still matters, though, because it matters to that person. That’s why the so-called “Golden Rule” is flawed. It shouldn’t be, “Treat people the way you want to be treated.” After all, “you” could be a real jerk and think it’s okay to treat, and be treated, like a jerk. What the Golden Rule actually should say is, “Treat people the way they want to be treated.” That’s assuming they’re not devil-worshipping, sadomasochists into bad music. That is not good.

But seriously, it’s not just a difference in wordsmithing — it’s not. There’s a fundamental differentiation in the philosophy between the two interpretations. Simply stated, one’s self-oriented and one’s others-oriented. Because you’re savvy, you’ll agree. As importantly, you’ll appreciate the difference and choose the right one. After all, you’re cool enough to read this book, willing enough to get this far, and smart enough to hang in there until the end. That says something about your ability to learn, to be challenged and to accept different interpretations and points of view.

Sure, there will be those who disagree with us (assuming we think alike) and pundits who will say that we’re wrong, or at a minimum, overly sensitive, and just not tough enough. That’s okay. They can, and should, have their own opinions. After all, opinions are like belly buttons: we all have them. How you manage them however, is what it’s all about. The writer F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function” is the sign of a truly intelligent person. And you can do that, can’t you?

Again and as always, pretty much everything matters. 

Most of all ...

That we’re compassionate. There’s a terrific book by Harry Palmer called, Resurfacing: Techniques for Exploring Consciousness, that recommends a five step-exercise for putting compassion in action.

It goes like this: With your attention focused on the other person, be it a friend or stranger, tell yourself, that:

Step 1: Just like me, this person is seeking happiness.

Step 2: Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering.

Step 3: Just like me, this person knows sadness, loneliness, despair.

Step 4: Just like me, this person is seeking to fill needs.

Step 5: Just like me, this person is learning about life.

It matters that we go to work and that we do our best work. But it also matters that we do so smartly and in recognition of why we work, which is to provide for and secure that which is important.

It matters that there is too much violence, hatred, injustice, pain and suffering. We need to do what we can, in our own way, to help the discriminated against, the sick and the less fortunate.

It matters that we have values and ethics; that we can be trusted and trust, that we genuinely listen and genuinely learn, and that we’re empathetic and sensitive.

It matters that we can be individuals with individuality, but that we can also be sensitive, others-oriented and mindful of what others think, feel and what they’re going through.

It matters that we are disciplined and accountable; that we do what we say and say what we’ll do, and that we can take and accept criticism and respond accordingly.

It matters that we can promote, embrace, manage, and deliver change; that we are both realistic and idealistic, and that we know the difference between when, where, and why.

It matters that we can disagree agreeably and that we can take the high-road and turn the other cheek.

It matters that we keep tabs on our finances and manage our cash flow and credit; that we only spend what we can, and only buy what we should.

It matters that we care for our environment and deal with the “inconvenient truth” of global warming; that we respect our world and do our part to keep it clean and healthy.

It matters that we’re always improving ourselves — our minds, bodies and spirt.

It matters that we promote quality in work and life.

It matters that we bestow love and receive love.

It matters that we parent conditionally and respect the job of parenting.

It matters that we appreciate our individual and collective responsibilities to ourselves, our families and our friends — and yes, our companies, colleagues, country and world.

It matters that we laugh, listen to music, sing, dance, stay fit, read, work, enjoy life, learn and strive to thrive.

* This space has been left blank for your own unique “matters". Talk about it with family and friends. Think big.

Recognizing It Matters Is Good.