Ain't Cool To Be No Jive Turkey

At this time of year, I love to (over) use one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies, Trading Places.  If you've seen the movie, you gotta know the line I'm talking about (though there's plenty of great quotes to choose from, am I right!?) 

Okay - times up:  It's the one when Eddie Murphy's in jail, talking a bunch of loud mouthed smack, and the big dude comes up and says, "It ain't cool to be no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving."  (Hey, I put the link there for a reason, so go ahead and give it a watch: it's great fun, and I'll still be here when you get back.)

With your laughing smile squarely in place, I'm sure you can see why I dig that line, on a couple of levels.  For one, I say it to my kids now about a dozen times a day (yeah, I've got lots of growing up to do.)  But other than using it to frustrate my brew and confirm their belief that dad isn't as hip as he thinks he is (heeeey), I also use it in business to classify a certain type of bad behavior. 

Yes, guilty as charged: I'm not above name calling - though to my defense, I think that anyone I've ever called a jive turkey, has probably been called way worse, by way more people.   

No. Doubt. About. It.     

So what makes for a "jive turkey" you ask?  As opposed to your run of the mill moron, jerk, doofus or scallywag?  Well, JTs have 3 main characteristics, and those are:

1) Big talker, small doer.  Sure, you know the type: they gobble gobble gobble, but when it comes to getting things done, they don't/won't/can't.  Which is why they also tend to delegate, though still take credit when credit is do; or pass blame, when blame is do.  Go figure.   

2) Smart, but arrogant.  These fowl birds have an out of whack ego to IQ ratio (and guess which one is out of proportion to the other).  For the record - arrogance by definition is when someone makes other people feel inferior and/or belittled.  Put another way, if your mouth makes others feel intentionally bad - not cool.

3) Nice, but jealous.  This one's kinda like too much nutmeg in the eggnog.  It looks all nice and tasty, but it's not.  More so, these ones can really hurt, as you think they are on your side, then the next thing you know, they're not.  No one likes a back stabber; heck, even back stabbers don't like back stabbers.  Nope. 

No doubt, there's a gravy boat of other not so flattering attributes that make for a jive turkey.  But you get the picture.  Moreover, I hope you never have to deal with - let alone work with - a jive turkey.  If you do, well, remember the line and say it right to their face:  "IT AIN'T COOL TO BE NO JIVE TURKEY!"  And if that jive turkey has you worried that its best to keep it to yourself (getting fired or having your face punched in, kinda sucks) - then anonymously send that video from Trading Places, along with a little note letting them know its from a secret non-admirer.    

Jive Turkeys Are Bad.

(But real turkey's are good and tasty.  So have a safe, happy, family-filled Thanksgiving.)      

Good is Great

For those that know, one of my favorite words is good. 

Indeed, I embrace it.  Use it.  Promote it.    

But guess what: every now and then I get the, oh, how should I put it, "provocative flak" for my extensive use/promotion of the word good - especially when it comes to performance.  For sure, I do use good a lot (and inversely, when needed, the word bad) when talking about performance.  It's kinda my thing.  And everybody should have their own "thing," right?      

Now, the flakers issue, for the most part - stems from their perspective that when discussing performance, I should use/promote more dynamic words like great, extraordinary, fantastic, brilliant, incredible, awesome.  In other words, from their viewpoint, good isn't good enough.  As they say, opinions are like belly buttons: everyone has 'em.  And that's a good thing (see, did it again). 

That said, my opinion - lets even call it a platform - is pretty simple: while there may be lots of more exciting adjectives that have more snap, crackle and pop ... good is still good, and bad is still bad.  Word. 

When it comes to performance, consistent good trumps the occasional supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (c'mon, ya gotta watch the video ;).  The fact is, good is very attainable - 24/365.  On the other hand, those other sexier adjectives are often a struggle for most, even some of the time - let alone 24/365.  In other words, its better to keep it real, and set expectations that are realistic and realistically achievable. 

You follow? 

Don't get me wrong: love those bigger words, as well.  I do.  And if you are ready and able to go for them - then go for it.  But first things first.  If we can't get good in steady supply, it's gonna be a stretch to achieve something bigger.  As that crazy cat Nietzsche said, "Those who would learn to fly one day must first stand and walk and run and climb and dance: one cannot fly into flying."  True that. 

Heck, just look around.  It's pretty apparent that consistently good performance is in short supply. It’s a big problem for business, family and life.  As such, it’s impacting our society, economy, and the world in general.  So instead of struggling to attain difficult to achieve words - I have confidence that for the most part, and for the most of us - we can get to good.  Consistently.

Good is Great ;) . 

Be Like Mike's

For months, I've been wanting to write some big-time props about a chain of car washes called Mike's.  At the same time, been needing to vent some much needed frustration about bad retail behavior.  Now's the time. 

So why the kudos for Mike's? 

Well, for a host of reasons, including the fact that you're greeted and dismissed by cute stuffies (as my daughter calls them) like Elmo, Cookie Monster and Big Bear, and that they offer free paper towels and free handy little trash bags.  (Though for the suggestion box, thinking free donuts and coffee for us early morning frequent washers would be nice; just saying.) 

Most of all, Mike's rocks because their front-line customer facing people - aka hourly worker bees - are some of the nicest, most professional, respectful workforce that I've ever experienced in the retail, hourly worker bee sector, coast-to-coast.  True that. 

Literally, from head to toe, they have their act together. 

Here's my question: why can Mike's employ great hourly talent, with such incredible consistency from store to store, when so many others can't?  Let's be real, the list is long of retail stores who's hourly workers just plain suck.  While it pains me to be so frank (not really), the fact is we put up with so much bad service, it's both sad and pathetic. 

Seriously, shame on the companies and their management that hires and tolerates rude employees to represent and be on the frontline of their product.  Come to think of it, shame on us who put up with it and pay for it, in more ways than one. 

Talk to the hand, you employers and condoners of bad talent.

So, does the ability/capability for Mike's to do it right ... versus those loser retail stores who miss the mark, let alone the point ... come down to pay?  Benefits?  Management?  Recruiting?  Free sodas and brownies in the break room? 

No doubt, I'm sure it's a combination of things.  Be that as it may - the difference between what Mike's can do/afford - and what others can do/afford, can't be that big of a gap. 

It.  Just.  Can't.  Be.  The math doesn't work.  Nope.

The simple fact is this: if Mike's can do it, so can everyone else in the retail sector.  Sure, budgets and margin %s might be impacted due to higher "costs of goods" (yes, it can cost more to do better) - but that can be made up for through (more) happier customers and (more) increased sales, which generates more margin dollars (remember all you corporate giants of bad retailers: you can't eat percents, only cash).  And yes, your products and/or services might need to be refined; cultures might need to be reset, and a bunch of so-called leadership people might need to be let go. 

Even good change, can be painful. 

But if that's what it takes, that's what it takes. 

If you're one of those retail stores that forces your customers to suffer your "hourly people problems" (yes, I've heard the line, way too many times) - get your act together, and get it fixed.  ASAP. 

And if you're one of those consumers that puts up with "hourly people problems," please don't.  Take your business else where.  On behalf of yourself, us and the retailer who forced you to. 

Good Service Is Good.          

It Matters

Like most of us today, on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 - I'm filled with a boatload of emotions; a funky mix of reflection, anger, grief, anxiousness, hope and appreciation (to name a few). 

While part of me wants desperately to write about the whys and wherefores of these feelings - and pen something poignant and impactful - it's just not in the cards.  Nope.  Not now.  Not today. 

So if it's okay with you, in lieu of coming up with new words and spending energy I don't have (and would rather devote today to family and friends) - I'm going to post some excerpts from the last chapter of Pocket PorchLights.  After all, I have always looked at this chapter as a big group hug; an all encompassing hand-holding tribute to what it takes to thrive at business, work and life. 

Moreover, since this chapter, like the rest of the book - was heavily inspired by tons of wonderful people, both directly and indirectly - it seems to fit today's "let's come together and count our blessings" vibe.  Hopefully, you'll feel the same. 

On that note, I wish you and yours peace, love and togetherness. 

It Matters ... 

I keep two Father’s Day cards at my desk: one from my parents, and one from my wife. On the cover of the card from my parents is a picture of a young boy dressed in goggles, wearing one of those old-fashioned pilot’s caps with the flaps that hang down over the ears.

He’s standing on a box, with a towel wrapped around him like a cape. His arms are stretched out wide as if he is flying. He has a big smile and a marvelous look of pure enjoyment. The writing with the picture says, “Son, from playing the hero…” Then when you open the card, there’s another picture of a grown man, walking on the beach with his child sitting on his shoulders, holding onto Dad’s hands. They’re playing happily in the waves. The caption underneath this picture, and in an obvious continuation of the sentiment from the cover reads, “…To being the Hero.” Then on the other side of the card is written: “How wonderful it has been to watch you grow into the amazing man you are. Happy Father’s Day.” Then it’s signed simply, “Love You, Mom and Dad.”

Now inside the card from my wife is a picture of our two children, happy as all get-out. Opposite of the picture are the following words: “‘Walk a little slower, Daddy,’ said a child so small. ‘I’m following in your footsteps and I don’t want to fall. Sometimes your steps are very fast. Sometimes they’re hard to see; so walk a little slower, Daddy, for you are leading me. Someday when I’m all grown up, you’re what I want to be. Then I will have a little child who’ll want to follow me. And I would want to lead just right, and know that I was true. So walk a little slower, Daddy, for I must follow you.’”

I have to tell you, about a week or so after getting those cards, I brought them into my office and read them again, maybe ten times or more. They made me cry — and I’m not just talking about getting watery eyed. That happens even when I watch sappy TV. I’m talking about a caught-off-guard, grimacing, tears-rolling-down-my-face-crying-like-a-little-kid-kind-of-cry. Talk about a Hallmark moment.

In hindsight, I don’t really know why the cards affected me like they did. Maybe I was having a bad day at the office, or had been short-tempered with my kids or my wife earlier that morning, and it made me remorseful. Or maybe it was because I really didn’t think that I was worth such neat cards. Regardless, they did something besides generate tears. They still do.

The cards make me stop and reflect. They motivate me and make me appreciative of all that life has to offer, as well as the responsibilities and obligations that we have in life. The cards also impress upon me the fact that we have to be mindful of everything; that everything matters, and even what doesn’t matter — matters.

You see, if it matters to you, but not to somebody else, it certainly matters, right? Intuitively then, if it matters to somebody else, but not to you, it still matters, though, because it matters to that person. That’s why the so-called “Golden Rule” is flawed. It shouldn’t be, “Treat people the way you want to be treated.” After all, “you” could be a real jerk and think it’s okay to treat, and be treated, like a jerk. What the Golden Rule actually should say is, “Treat people the way they want to be treated.” That’s assuming they’re not devil-worshipping, sadomasochists into bad music. That is not good.

But seriously, it’s not just a difference in wordsmithing — it’s not. There’s a fundamental differentiation in the philosophy between the two interpretations. Simply stated, one’s self-oriented and one’s others-oriented. Because you’re savvy, you’ll agree. As importantly, you’ll appreciate the difference and choose the right one. After all, you’re cool enough to read this book, willing enough to get this far, and smart enough to hang in there until the end. That says something about your ability to learn, to be challenged and to accept different interpretations and points of view.

Sure, there will be those who disagree with us (assuming we think alike) and pundits who will say that we’re wrong, or at a minimum, overly sensitive, and just not tough enough. That’s okay. They can, and should, have their own opinions. After all, opinions are like belly buttons: we all have them. How you manage them however, is what it’s all about. The writer F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function” is the sign of a truly intelligent person. And you can do that, can’t you?

Again and as always, pretty much everything matters. 

Most of all ...

That we’re compassionate. There’s a terrific book by Harry Palmer called, Resurfacing: Techniques for Exploring Consciousness, that recommends a five step-exercise for putting compassion in action.

It goes like this: With your attention focused on the other person, be it a friend or stranger, tell yourself, that:

Step 1: Just like me, this person is seeking happiness.

Step 2: Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering.

Step 3: Just like me, this person knows sadness, loneliness, despair.

Step 4: Just like me, this person is seeking to fill needs.

Step 5: Just like me, this person is learning about life.

It matters that we go to work and that we do our best work. But it also matters that we do so smartly and in recognition of why we work, which is to provide for and secure that which is important.

It matters that there is too much violence, hatred, injustice, pain and suffering. We need to do what we can, in our own way, to help the discriminated against, the sick and the less fortunate.

It matters that we have values and ethics; that we can be trusted and trust, that we genuinely listen and genuinely learn, and that we’re empathetic and sensitive.

It matters that we can be individuals with individuality, but that we can also be sensitive, others-oriented and mindful of what others think, feel and what they’re going through.

It matters that we are disciplined and accountable; that we do what we say and say what we’ll do, and that we can take and accept criticism and respond accordingly.

It matters that we can promote, embrace, manage, and deliver change; that we are both realistic and idealistic, and that we know the difference between when, where, and why.

It matters that we can disagree agreeably and that we can take the high-road and turn the other cheek.

It matters that we keep tabs on our finances and manage our cash flow and credit; that we only spend what we can, and only buy what we should.

It matters that we care for our environment and deal with the “inconvenient truth” of global warming; that we respect our world and do our part to keep it clean and healthy.

It matters that we’re always improving ourselves — our minds, bodies and spirt.

It matters that we promote quality in work and life.

It matters that we bestow love and receive love.

It matters that we parent conditionally and respect the job of parenting.

It matters that we appreciate our individual and collective responsibilities to ourselves, our families and our friends — and yes, our companies, colleagues, country and world.

It matters that we laugh, listen to music, sing, dance, stay fit, read, work, enjoy life, learn and strive to thrive.

* This space has been left blank for your own unique “matters". Talk about it with family and friends. Think big.

Recognizing It Matters Is Good. 

Lose Yourself

Confession time:  I like Eminem. 

Now, I get that might sound like a stretch for a 45 year old (though I hear it's the new 38), living in suburbia.  But I do.  Really.  And for a whole host of reasons, including those that others might frown on, re: his lyrics, attitude and bad boy rapper shtick. 

To all his haters, that's your call.  Whatever.  

My call is that he's a talented dude, whose figured out how to package his act.  Love him or hate him, he's got talent and game. 

Whether or not its your cup of game, is a whole other story.

Drink in peace, either way. 

Now that I got that public display of affection out of the way, and in return the likely rebuke of some for the mere mention of my Slim Shady admiration (for the record, I understand and appreciate the concerns in terms of his influence on young minds; gotta keep that in check, for sure) - I'm going to make another confession.  One that I hope might help you, as it has me. 

Here's the deal.

Recently, every morning, I started playing Eminem's (old school) song Lose Yourself.  It's my new anthem to pump me up, and jump start my day.  I like the beat, the lyrics (yes, absolutely the uncensored version) and most of all, the energy; it's pulsating.

I also groove on the title, and think its a great mantra given the realities of work and life.  Because more often than not, our individual selves are our own worst enemy when it comes to getting the right things done. 

Know what I mean? 

Typically, it's our own personal shortcomings, paradigms, ignorance, attitudes, my-ways, and the not-invented-here-syndromes that get in the way - not others'.  Even if it is the others' fault, we only compound it by sticking to our proverbial guns. 

It's true. 

Which is why for me, the song not only revs my engine and fuels my motivation with that gritty, humble swagger that helps drive my work and determinaton - it also reminds me to keep my ego and blind spots in check - in hopes that I don't let myself and "my way," get in the way of the right way.  You dig?   

Now, here's an idea.

Why not give it a try, yourself.  Whether you're a fan or not of rap, Eminem, or the song  ... and even if you are a gold card member of the houghty-toughty-snooty-society-club ... and never cursed, cussed or swaggered a day in your life ... try listening to the song every morning (cranked up) on your iPod (with headphones) for the next 10 days (straight).  Seriously, play it (loud with headphones) for 10 days (straight) every morning right before you start your work, and see what it (amazingly) does for you. 

Heck, you just might be pleasantly surprised.  Especially if it inspires you, like it does me - to, as Mr. Mathers rhymes - make "success the only *$#@! option; failure's not."  Word. 

Motivating Music Is Good. 

PS:  If you're looking to add a couple more "best-of" Eminem beats to your not-for-the-timid-pump-me-up playlist, download Like Toy Soldiers and Beautiful.  It's the trifecta energizer.  Abbott out.     

Social (Media) Etiquette

My dad's fond of saying, "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."  (Boy, if I had a nickle for every time he used that one on me.)  While that expression is pretty much old as dirt - it fits today, maybe now more than ever.  Especially when it comes to society's use of social media to publish opinions, and interact with other humans.  

Just because we can (all too) easily use Twitter, You Tube, Linkedin and FaceBook to push buttons and stir the pot - doesn't mean we should.  Nope.  For sure, I'm not alone in my concern for societies new found propensity to trash talk in an oh-so public way.  Lots of folks share a similar frustration.  One of the best public displays of concern comes from famed sports beat writer Mike Lopresti - in an article for USA Today. 

To Mr. Lepresti's enormous credit - he summed up, in one article, what would take me a year to think of and write myself.  No doubt, he's way more talented.  In appreciation of Lopresti's gift of thought and penmanship (and the fact that he gets there better/quicker than I ever could), I've cut and paste the crux of his article below.  If by chance Mr. L takes issue with my use of his smarts, please note that I have never profited from my blog, nor will I (as my reader will testify, right Mom?).      

So take it away Mike, it's all yours ....

"... The football player uses words like ``crook'' and ``devil,'' belittles his teammates and presents the lovely analogy that if the commissioner of the NFL were on fire, not even urine would be good enough to put out the flames.  So maybe more ... can be sold to a world where simple respect and common courtesy are as passé as rotary telephones, to the point where respect is no longer simple and courtesy certainly no longer common.  Thus, we have another example of the sad and sorry state of human interaction. We have the tirade of a ... thoroughly modern man.  Communication has never been more varied, more vast, more technologically exotic. We text, we tweet, we pass each other in the night on Facebook. Heck, sometimes we still even talk in person, and how quaint is that?  And here is the irony. The more advanced the mode of exchanging thoughts and words, the closer our behavior gets to the stone age. All these different and dazzling ways to discuss and compare and analyze and disagree and offer opinion. And all we can do is call names.  So why the flamethrower rhetoric? Just James being James, said his agent, his supporters, and those whose bar for civility is no higher than an anthill.  I find that alibi tiring. That would presume Harrison's only way to make his case is with insults. That cheapens the man, rather than flatters him. Is that who he wishes to be, someone listened to not for his thoughts, but his malice? That would put him on par with a good many talk show hosts.  But it sells. It draws a crowd, because in a culture so cluttered that people cannot watch a beautiful sunset without pulling out a device to push buttons, only the loudest and harshest voices get the notice.  And so you can turn on Fox to see which Democrat is an idiot, and on MSNBC to see which Republican is a fool. For actual rational and useful discussion, you have come to the wrong place, for the purpose is not to solve a problem but to blame the other side.  Communication is no longer used to teach and enrich and serve the public. It is used to attack, the faster the better.  This sickness spreads everywhere, from Main Street to Capitol Hill. And of course, to sports, because few places have more live microphones and quicker money to make.  And so now we have an undeniably great football player with legitimate concerns, who could not get from Thought A to Thought B without demeaning this person or ridiculing that one. The message from James Harrison this week is not that the NFL has problems to solve. It is that he can insult his commissioner and trash his teammates, and pack weapons for a magazine shot. Apparently that was the only way he could tell his story.   But so it goes in today's world of wasted opportunity. All these tools to share our views, and all we can do is shriek. And then, sometimes, apologize."

Well said Mike.  And thanks.  You're my literary hero. 

Social (Media) Etiquette is Good. 

Getting Clarity Through My Rear View Mirror

Last weekend, me and my familia did a boatload of driving. (Boy, did we ever.)  And as I'm sure you can appreciate - fellow summertime road warriors - it wasn't always fun.  Because most of the time, the weather was storming; traffic was infuriating; directions were lacking; bladders were over-activating, and the car was like claustrophobing (work with me on the wording and the rhyming). 

Sure, you been there/done that too, right!? 

So admittedly, while driving, I didn't always have that cool and breezy summer time easy vibe going on.  Quite the contrary.  But a funny thing happened at the height of my self-induced pity, pain and frustration.  You see, I did a double-take when looking back in my rear view mirror.  In the bowels of my selfish, oh-whoa-is-me temperament - I noticed something that I previously took for granted: the smiling faces of my two terrific kids bopping their heads to the music on the radio (and yeah, pushing each others buttons at the same time; all good nonetheless).

The fact that they were safe and happy, along with my wonderful wife sitting next to me in the front seat, made me realize that what matters most, and the purpose for being in that car in the first place, was about us. Not me.  And in that moment, it was like BAMM - I had an instantaneous change of heart.  I really did.

Thanks to that moment-of-truth ... with the good Lord tapping me on the shoulder and helping to eradicate  my super stinky attitude ... I went from acting like an unappreciative, scowling, selfish nutty goober ... to appreciating what I always should appreciate, even in trying times: my family, and time spent with my family.  (Albeit I probably won't lose the nutty goober side; that's kinda in my DNA.)

While it goes without saying, it still needs to be said:  let's cherish our family - whenever, wherever, however we can.  Hopefully for the most of us, that's more of a reminder, than a rebuke.   

Family Is (better than) Good; Its Greeeeeaaat!