Turning Fathers to Dads

The Indianapolis Star reports that 4 out of 5 Indianapolis Public School students don't live with their fathers.

How. Very. Sad. Indeed.

Sure, some of those fathers might not live with their kids because of divorce; but they're probably good dads, and they do what they can given the housing arrangements. On the other hand, a bigger percentage of those fathers are literally non-existent (and intentionally so) in their kid's lives.  Which makes them just fathers, not dads.  And that's a gargantuan problem, with alarming consequences.

While the downsides of this heartbreaking reality are too voluminous to count - especially as it impacts the kids - one has to ask what type of jobs, let alone careers, do the fathers have who choose to be absentee dads? And does their work impact their lives in such a way that if they had the right job (let alone career) - they'd be better dads? The answer, of course, is yes. And therein lies both the problem, and part of the solution.  In other words, if the guys who father children were given proper training - let alone education - as it pertains to both their job/career AND daddying - then chances are, they will do better at both.

Now, as easy as that is to comprehend and moreover appreciate - it apparently is not that easy to get done, hence the abysmal stats. That's why our schools and universities and the parents who run both - need to do a better job of ensuring that young men get both work, and life related education.  Simultaneously.  At the same time, young men themselves need to step it up, and take greater accountability, as well. 

No doubt, that's easier said than done.  After all, the list of issues, let alone potential remedies, is long and full of debate.  That said, one fundamental and undebatable truth is this: it's critically important to interweave job/career skills training and education, with life/parenting skills training and education.  In fact, let's make that work/life "learning duality" a mandate.  A must.  A matter-of-fact expectation.  No "ifs" "ors" or "buts" about it.  If we can ensure that our young men can be good dads (let alone good parents) - then it stands to reason that those same young men will do better at work, and enjoy better careers.  Taken together, these young men will then live better lives, which will better their families, communities and society at large. 

Turning Fathers to Dads is Good.

Comsi Comsa or Asi Asi (Shame on Both)

Doh is me.  You'd figure that after living in both France and Spain over 4 years - and moreover, having taken about 8 years of French and Spanish classes - that I'd be way smarter when it comes to speaking those languages: Not! Quite the contrary, and quite the pathetic shame.  A shame so shameful, that I should wear the cone of shame.  Just call me Doug, minus the cuteness and propensity for squirrels.

So you don't remember those foreign languages, you say. Big deal, right?  It happens.  And hey, we speak American anyhow, si?  Nothing to be shameful 'bout!?  Well, to a degree, that's true.  The problem however, is that while I pretty much remember nada (aha!), I do remember - more so, still use to this day - two Euro-centric expressions that I don't really like, or want to use.  But shamefully, use I do. 

Now, I know you're jonesin' to know: just what exactly are those expressions, that hound me so?

Well, the first is "Comsi Comsa" (which is French, for those keeping score at home). The second is "Asi Asi" (which, you got it, is Espanol).  And guess what?  They both mean the same thing, which roughly translated to English (aka American), means  "So So". 

That's right sports fans - they are a fancy, foreign way to shrug and say "so so".  And that's why I use them, I guess - because I hate the English version.  Seriously, what's up with "so so"?  How can anyone be "so so"?  Pick a lane, darn it.  And pick the right one, at that.  In other words - even if we feel so, "so so" - tell your face you don't.   Then tell the face that asks "how you doing?" something better than so so.  Because frankly, so so isn't even so so.  It's just lamo.  And nobody likes a downer.     

So here's my plan, thanks to this public admition of linguistic shame:  no more Comsi Comsa, or Asi Asi.  No more hiding my own disdain (and use) of the lamo "so so" expression.   I'm done being hypocritical, and living the lie.  Shame no more.  From now on, it's all good; even when it's not (get my drift?) 

Who's with me? 

So So Is Bad (In Any Language).
  

Turn Trustworthy To Trust, We Must

Don't know why, but I'm having a big-time Yoda moment. Maybe it has something to do with the title and content of today's blog (but be certain, I know not).  Anywho, it turns out that researchers have established that trust is critical to organizational effectiveness. No mind meld there, hun. 

Being trustworthy yourself, however, does not guarantee that you are capable of building trust. That takes actual, real-world, proof-positive, trust-centric results (or being a really old, wrinkly little green fella, with gargantuan ears, who talks funny; kid I not).

In other words, just because you think you're Hans Solo when it comes to your own integrity - if others don't think that, well then, that's their reality, right?  Which can make it that much more frustrating when the real you, doesn't align with the you they see. While you want, and maybe even deserve their trust - they just don't give it.  Yea, that'd make even Obe One lose his cool.

So what to do, if that's the case? Well, to level set - there's no quick pill, sauce or anecdote for this one. Nope. On the contrary, it takes time. Sometimes, lots of time. Because the underlying formula for earning trust boils down to this simple, yet powerful, mantra: walk the walk. No - it's not talk the walk, or even walk the talk. It's walk the walk.  Which means we can't market, hype, hurry or sell our way to trust; no phone ins here.  Net/net: It takes the actual, proof-positive fulfilment of trust-earning deeds: which takes time. 

So be patient young Skywalker, if this is your situation. Building trust is journey, not event. Evolution, not revolution.  Be, you must.  Do, you must.  Earn, you must.  (So says Yoda.)

May the force be with you.

Trusted Is Good.

Skimmers, Browsers and Scanners: Oh My!

For those playing along at work or home, today's title is an updated takeoff from Dorothy's famous line: "Lions, Tigers and Bears - Oh My" from my favorite hip-to-be-square movie, The Wizard of Oz.  And no, we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

So what's with the retro remix, you ask? Well, I just read an interesting interview with Nicholas Carr, author of "What the Internet is Doing to our Brains." (That title makes me think about one of my favorite Monty Python skits, where the Gumby characters gum, "My brain hurts!" Love that skit!).  Now, no surprise here (as if the title of his book doesn't give it away already) - but Mr. Carr thinks that the Internet is making us lazy when it comes to how we find, read and process information. He thinks we're getting to be a bunch of superficial "skimmers, browsers and scanners."

Whoa, pretty heavy stuff.  My brain hurts just thinking about it. 

However, all those in agreement with Mr. Carr, say "ayyy": AYYYYY!!! You bet. He is absolutely, positively, make-no-doubt-aboutitly correct. Moreover, we need to heed his warning, and take care not to let our slothiness get the better of us.

So the question is - nay, the challenge: what can we do about it?

Well, at a minimum, keep it in check. Especially when it comes to making important decision at work, and life. If it passes the "hmm, better do the homework on this one" test - then don't just skim, browse or scan. Really read. Really think. Really digest. Then maybe even repeat, wash, rinse and do it again. After all, serious business and/or life decisions require serious attention.

Think about it: would you want your pilot to merely skim, browse and scan when it comes to flying your plane? Well then, isn't "flying" your career, and your life (especially if it impacts others) - worthy of the same careful attention and mindfulness? Sure it is.

Thoroughness Is Good.

Understand To Be Understood

As we approach election day - the rhetoric, mud slinging, chastising, name-calling, embarrassingly ugly pathetic behavior (and frankly, that's an understatement) is sad.  Oh. So. Sad.

With all this American-on-American verbal venom, I'm reminded of the famous Rodney King refrain, which he pleaded after getting beat up during the LA riots: "Can't we all just get along!?" And while this character bashing is not physically violent as the LA riots, the words are nonetheless bruising, painful and unnerving. 

So, what can we learn from all this political craziness, as it pertains to our own lives? Well, for one (and by the way, there's a boatload of lessons to be learned) is the importance that to be understood, we need to understand.  Likewise, to understand, we need to be understood.  And we need to do both with genuine sincerity; can't dial this one in.     

As simple as it sounds, it's apparently not that easy to do.

But try we must. More than just try, do we must. After all, how can we hope to do what needs to be done (and how best to do it) - if we don't at first pay sincere attention to what's actually going on, and what other people want done.  But all too often, most of us walk right into a situation - be that friendship, jobs, marriage, politics, whatever - with misunderstood assumptions, and make uninformed judgments/decision.  Not good.

Here's an idea: when we're in doubt, or when we're clouded by assumptions, let's simply ask the other person:  "What do you think?"  And then listen - genuinely and effectively - so that we can incorporate our new understanding, as part of making ourselves understood. Sure, that's way simpler said, than done (just look around, right?).  But it's doable, nonetheless.           

Understand To Be Understood Is Good.

Dollars and Sense

Sometimes, we find ourselves having to choose between what we hope makes the most sense, with what's best (or better), for the proverbial "bottom line."  Sure, we've all been there/done that: at work, and life.   

We've also seen how the results of these choices, can tend to favor one, over the other. It's as if sometimes the options are diametrically opposed. And why? Why do we have to have conflict - either perceived, or real - when it comes to choosing dollars over sense?

Maybe it's a DNA thing. 

While we might not be able to fix the root cause (genetics are hard to rewire), what if we agree on a proactive remedy. And what's that, you ask? Well, simple: don't let it get there in the first place. 

In other words, when it comes to making decisions that will be judged based on dollars over sense, or sense over dollars - just insist that the decision be accordingly aligned, taking both into equal consideration through balanced judgement, and healthy compromise.  Think and/with ... not either/or. 

If we start with the end goal in mind, we can get the balance and harmony we're looking for.
 
Dollars And Sense Are Good.

Book Smarts or Street Smarts (Why Not Both!?)

If I had a nickle for every time I've heard someone rationalize that their keen sense of knowing and intelligence comes from being "street smart" (versus book smart, I assume) - well, I'd have me enough money to buy a triple grande, no whip, mocha chip cappuccino (although, I don't think my choice of morning beverage does much for my street creed).

In other words, if you correlate my fufu/fiffy drink to the expense-side math, there's lots of folks who have boasted to me about their S over B factor. And why? Is one really better than the other? Or cooler? Or edgier? Or whateverer? And why does one have to be over the other? Like it's superior? Or better? Or whateverer.  That's why I call BS, to the SB.

The reality is: both are good. In unison. Partnership. Matrimony. BUT, if you actually have to put one ahead of the other, well then, it's simple: books smarts trump street smarts. After all, books are an incredibly cost-effective, safe and efficient way to learn, and learn lots. And they don't come with all the concerns that come from the street. 

So, for all those hipsters that thinks it's hipper to be street than books - think again. Because at the end of the day, our goal is wisdom. And wisdom comes from paying attention to all sources. Especially books. So if asked, tell 'em you're book smart AND street smart. Better yet, don't tell them anything; be book smart and street smart without the fanfare, and let your wisdom from both, show through in how you work, live and achieve.  To play off/on the pedestrian cliche: walk the talk; don't talk the walk. 

Smarts Are Good (Wherever They Come From)